Never watch foreign films dubbed. Only subtitles with the original language spoken is acceptable. Anything else is sacrilegious.Any film that makes over 150 million dollars at the box office is shit no matter how much you secretly like it. Admitting you like it is equivalent to killing your first born child.
You must register to sites like DVDAficionado and IMDB bragging about how big your DVD collection is as if the movies you owned were the personal accomplishments you created.
Upon registering to IMDB you must argue incessantly to other people's "shitty" tastes and use words like overrated, underrated, genius and hack constantly.
You must then make a cool username like a movie name + birth year = Heat84. No matter how many people do this the fact YOU are doing this makes it original.
Widescreen format is the only acceptable standard to watch movies. Fullscreen is for simpletons. Fullscreen cuts 20% of the physical movie.
It is called a film and not a movie.
Remakes are all shit, regardless of the few like Insomnia and Bram Stoker's Dracula that surpass the originals.
Define who you are by your artistic likes rather than by your own personal accomplishments.
Alphabetize your DVD collection by director name, genre, actor name or medium format. This is absolutely crucial to any film snob apprentice.
Scoff at anyone who watches movies on PMP, MP3 Player or other similar device.
Claim to love and appreciate film despite stealing thousands of dollars in copyright infringements.
Everything from the 1980s was shit - fashion, music, film and architecture. (Actually these are all true.)
Recognize that the 1970s was the golden age of cinema. It was all downhill from then. Even though the 1960s were far superior.
Criterion DVDs are the only way to go.
The more obscure and random your favorite films and countries of origin that make them the better. Italian Neo-Realism is for beginners. Czechoslovakian New Wave is for pros.
Always arrive at the movies 30 minutes before the starting time. Missing the first 5 minutes is unacceptable as the crucial plot setup has been missed.
Never say the English translation of the title. Always use the native movie title.
Watching DVD director commentaries and having film books are the equivalent of film school.
Recognize Netflix was the greatest invention since the car, computer or wheel.
Be a complete pain-in-the-ass to go to a movie because nothing is good enough. Expect to have to take someone to a independent theater and expect to have to buy their ticket so they can watch your arthouse film. Also expect the person you are taking will never go to a movie with you again. Your friend just won't "get" Strangers With Candy.
Watching independent films doesn't cut it anymore. You have to watch local films.
You must follow the political leanings of your favorite artists no matter how obnoxious and self righteous they are. You look past their abuse of power in influencing weak minded people.
Watch every film from the AFI top 100 lists. This takes time and effort. Completing it should merit a medal or celebration as these lists are are updated.
Meeting other film snobs can be a blessing or a curse. The one who memorizes meaningless trivia and factoids to impress you at the dinner table are the most poisonous. They use their knowledge to to try to outdo you rather than to share a common interest. The more mature film snob gives you a lot of creative energy where you feed off of each other and complement each others styles. Tread lightly.
Being a film snob takes years of effort and must evolve to a personal style of your own - one that no longer emulates others but yearns to seek something you truly enjoy. Good luck film snob apprentices.
